Sex Positive Me

E98: Make Me Come

Listen to “E98: Make Me Come” on Spreaker.

Make me Cum! No, that’s not a request but it is the title of the book we just read. “Make Me Come: The Hard Truth About Mutual Satisfaction” written by a married couple, Mickey and Emma-Jean Kapko. “Make Me Come” is your in-depth guide to learning mutually orgasmic sex and increasing intimacy with your partner. By discussion of communication, masturbation, foreplay, orgasm technique, sex positions, and much more, “Make Me Come” will give you the tools needed to find the mind-blowing sex you’ve been searching for.

Mickey and Emma-Jean Kapko have been married since June of 2014, having known each other since 2011. Emma-Jean has been working as a licensed practical counselor since 2015, after obtaining her master’s degree from Cornell University, where she also studied psychology as an undergraduate. Mickey is entering his final year of a biochemistry Ph.D. program at Cornell University, where he studied chemistry at the undergraduate level. They have no children, but they do have two shi-tzus names Rocky and Binky. They currently reside in Ithaca, New York. In their free time, they enjoy exploratory sex and jigsaw puzzles, in addition to playing with Rocky and Binky. Mickey and Emma-Jean have taken their unique sexual experiences and the challenges they have faced and overcome within their marriage and created this literary piece to help other couples in similar situations.

Site: bit.ly/makemecome

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/make_me_come_book/

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Make-Me-Come-Mutual-Satisfaction/dp/B086L2RK5Z/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1586041620&sr=1-1

 



Amberly Rothfield
On sex positive me explore all aspects of sex and relationships ranging from fetishes and BDSM to ethical non monogamy and LGBTQ issues. sex positive media stigmatizes sexual practices and relationships while reconciling reality with myths and misconceptions. Our goal is to educate, entertain and be advocates of sexual freedom. And now here’s your host, Angelica and John Luna.

Angelique
Hey everyone, it’s Angelique Luna and stuck in quarantine day 27 or something like that.

John
Quarantine it’s home confinement, it’s Wi Fi quarantine is meant to put the big biohazard signal up on the wall and it means do not come by.

Angelique
Well, I have my wall so every night I build my wall and I pay for it.

John
It is a joke in there but I’m not gonna touch that.

Angelique
So I’m here with my husband conspire trying to keep me sane, john,

John
trying to keep you occupied.

Angelique
Yes, on top of all the many books I Need to catch up?

John
And you’ve been reading quite a bit

Angelique
I’ve been Yes. Yes, I’d like today we’re actually interviewing the authors and creators of make me come the hard truth about mutual satisfaction. We have Mickey and Emma Jane capaco. Did I pronounce that right?

Mickey
It’s Capco capital.

Angelique
Sorry, Mexican with a bad speech impediment So,

So they have been married since June of 2014. Having known each other since 2011. Emma Jane has been working as a licensed practical counselor since 2015. After obtaining her master’s degree from Cornell University, where she also studied psychology as an undergraduate. Nikki is entering his final year of biochemistry Ph. D. program at Cornell University, where he studied chemistry at the undergraduate level. They have no children, but they have they do have to shift Susan By rough Rocky and Binky should have been Bullwinkle. But that’s just me. Okay. currently reside in Africa, New York. I’m sorry. Sorry, I’m slightly out of the house. In their free time they enjoy exploratory sex and jigsaw puzzles in addition to play with Rocky and Binky, Mickey and Emma Jane have taken their unique sexual experiences and the challenges they have faced and overcome with their marriage and created this literary piece to help other couples in similar situations. Welcome to the show. Thank you for having us. Yes, so talk about it. So why did you decide to write this book?

Mickey
Well, um, when Emma Jean and I were, were first starting out we had our fair share of like, awkward encounters if I could be so bold as to say that, um, but it got to the point now, where I felt like he had just kept missing the mark. To put it in delicately, I guess it wasn’t as climactic as it could have been. And that became all too frequent. So then we kind of set out on this journey to really learn about ourselves and each other in the context of like, just our marriage and our love for each other. With respect to the bedroom, and in that journey, we seem to have stumbled upon a kind of a process almost about how to reach this place of just mutually orgasmic and wonderful sex with, you know, with the one that you love, and we wanted to share that with other people.

Emma-Jean
Yeah, because when we first start sleeping together, when we first started dating, the sex wasn’t that great, but I have had sex with other people prior to him and it was fantastic. So I knew the potential for good sex was there we just needed to find it. So we went on this journey and we went this whole way and now we have wonderful sex and our relationships perfect, but I know a lot of girlfriends that are in a similar situation, but they’ve never had that. Previous good sex to compare it to to know that there is something better out there. So that’s what we kind of approach this book from is there are women out there that literally they just don’t know what they’re missing because they may have never had it.

Angelique
This came from Yes, they Oh, like okay, here is the steak and shake steak versus the seasons. 52 steak. Totally different.

John
Yeah, you’re missing. Yeah, I don’t know what you’re missing.

Emma-Jean
Right? And if I hadn’t had some previous really gratifying experiences before Nick and I started seeing each other, then I wouldn’t have known and we may not have went on this path. So yeah, because I cared about him so much. And we had so much chemistry and other ways. We this was a problem that was worth us investing and in fixing

John
What we find so many couples and singles, who will say that they’ve had this like fantastic sex. And it’s always like some mythical thing in the past, that they’re hunting for the rest of their lives. They’re looking for, like bolt wall cases. So what have you done to get there? And they’re like, What do you mean? It’s not like a unicorn, it’s not just gonna walk the road right in front of us. You go there. It’s actually a process.

Emma-Jean
Yeah, it takes work. I mean, let’s be honest, there are some people that you’ll sleep with, that you’ll have natural chemistry with. And it’s fantastic. And it’s wonderful. But that’s not always the case. So sometimes you have to work at it. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Like, we wanted to make it very clear that, that like, don’t feel ashamed. Don’t feel embarrassed or something wrong with you because you’re not orgasm. You as a woman during sex, like don’t feel insecure about this. It’s common and it’s approachable. And it’s you can talk about it. So we want to help kind of cultivate that environment. So women and men would feel comfortable to have these really tough conversations because I know it’s hard for men to to consider the prompt premise that maybe their partner is an orgasm during sex.

Angelique
Yeah, I think my favorite part was the performance anxiety that people just slike don’t understand that we’re not circus performers. Okay, so yeah, right. No, that’s where I think we should change that verbiage. The performer excited. anxiety, anxiety.

John
Yeah. Cuz What else? There has to be a better term.

Angelique
Yeah. Because every time I hear I think dance monkey dance, because that’s how we usually relate to it.

Emma-Jean
Right, right. Yeah.

Angelique
But you did a great job describing all the different possibilities between chemical and mental and sometimes physical. So it’s, you know, people have to realize there’s more to just like, okay, we’re naked. Let’s let’s have sex go.

Emma-Jean
Right, right,

Mickey
right. Yeah, we don’t i don’t think he gets enough attention. That particular topic, which is why I wrote a little bit more on it then, while we dedicated some more time to that then some of the other topics. People think that it’s, it’s so much less than your head But no, it’s really so much of sex is mental.

Emma-Jean
It is and we you know, took Some risks and talked about some things that we know people have some aversion to, like, let’s put down our vibrators for a little bit and really explore ourselves women and our vaginas and what makes us feel good without that vibrator. It’s not that we’re against vibrators. It’s just finding and exploring yourself. Do that with just your own body. And then once you learn yourself, then you can bring in those supplements to the bedroom that make it more exciting and more fun. So yeah, we wanted to have some honest, candid conversation that we know a lot of women don’t like to hear and don’t necessarily want to hear. So we wanted to be honest, too.

Angelique
No, absolutely. That’s something that we tell our own clients. It’s like no, discover yourself what you know. So that way you can give directions to your partner, they’re not automatically going to know I remember one clients like well, he doesn’t know what he’s doing. I’m like, did you show him and she just looked at me like deer in the headlights. It’s like, What are you talking about? Yeah, you know, masturbate in front of each other.

Emma-Jean
Naturally, you know that everyone?

Yeah. If you don’t know how to To make yourself calm, how is your partner ever going to figure it out? Real quick, you know,

Mickey
Mind reading is not a skill that we teach.

John
No, I wish it was. But the other part is, is everyone’s body is different. So what you may do one lover that works absolutely amazing Lee Well, you may do it another partner and it’s like, or whatever is it over? I don’t know it happened. And I’ve had to explain this to someone. They said no, it’s a body’s a body. And that’s all there is. I said, Well, I know you work on cars and you work on like Ford’s right. Yeah, I drop an Audi in front of you. You’re gonna know where everything is. And he’s like, Oh, no, those cars are completely different. They’re German though this. That’s the body. Everyone is gonna be slightly different and there is no manual.

Emma-Jean
That’s an amazing analogy. That is perfect. Yeah, it really is. It’s true. It is exactly what it is.

John
So the getting the whole feedback. And the truth is it’s not just for men though, giving it to men, but both parties need to go ahead and give that type of feedback to make sure it’s right and take that constructive criticism, because it needs to be given. And it needs to be given in a non harsh, loving way, but perceive that way that I’m not criticizing you and telling you, you’re a crap lover. I’m saying let’s bring it to the next level and work together.

Emma-Jean
Exactly like it felt if I may,

Mickey
It was a little challenging to sort of step on your toes. It was a little challenging to communicate this, and I’m not sure if we did the best job, but the general message in that regard that we were trying to get across is that, um, you’re, if you’re on the end, you know, receiving those criticisms, I think you you need to realize that it’s just as uncomfortable for the person saying them, and the person giving that feedback in that criticism is doing so because they they you know, love you deeply and they need you to know those things. So when when you kind of have that approach to things it becomes much less of like a conflict, styled engagement really but then more Like a problem solution type thing.

Emma-Jean
Again, we tried to build in some general, very psychologically pleasing language. Like if you make I statements, it’s received much less defensively so that you’re more likely then to collaborate and discuss openly. So we wanted to give in some very intentional just language examples so that if you’re completely at a loss, and that makes sense, this is hard to talk about. And you know, in our society, we don’t really grow up in families where number one sex is openly discussed. We don’t live we don’t grow up in schools where sex is openly discussed. And third, we don’t live in a society where emotional intelligence is taught. So we wanted to provide language to people so that they could have these conversations and have some guidance because it is so hard. And sex is such an important part of a fulfilling relationship. So these are conversations that need to be had.

Angelique
And you mentioned intentionally What do you mean by that?

Emma-Jean
So We intentionally crafted language so that people could extrapolate what might work for them. So, in the body of the text we wrote, like, examples of maybe a paragraph that you might say if you’re trying to tell your partner that I’m not orgasm, orgasm, meaning that so I mean intentionally is that we’ve just sat down and deliberately thought out from a psychology standpoint, what will be the most pleasing for someone to hear what will be the most conducive for you to have an effective conversation, and it’s going to be uncomfortable and people will naturally get defensive, but let’s lower those defenses as much as possible. So we crafted language, you know, based on my understanding of psychology, our understanding of human nature and sex and what we thought will helps couples most have these open conversations, these vulnerable, honest conversations, because not everyone is equipped with the language on how to talk and not everyone knows how to do these things. And that’s okay, we’re not all you know, we all have our different skill sets. That’s why the world is so beautiful. So we wanted to kind of help lend some support in that way and guide people on how to have these conversations.

John
Well, I know the one thing that was brought up in there was date night. And I know date night for us is extremely important. It’s every Tuesday, don’t schedule anything on that day. And now we’re in a time again, self quarantine, or I’m sorry, say quarantine.

Angelique
The Dark Side.

John
And it sounds funny, but it’s right now. I had to remind myself that it was a Thursday I’m like, okay, it is Thursday, because we’re not going anywhere. We’re not leaving our homes. For once, this is a perfect time where you can go ahead and start that conversation and go with that intimacy, because you don’t know where it’s going to go. You don’t know if it’s going to be a 10 minute or an hour conversation. And for once you’re probably don’t have something better to do that you have.

Mickey
Totally agree.

Emma-Jean
Yeah, what a great date night idea to pull up our book and sit down and go For together, you know, and spend the evening exploring and being vulnerable and open with each other and touching and playing and kissing and just loving each other. And yeah, what a perfect opportunity to do that. We’re in a quarantine time.

John
Isn’t it? Great. The in laws are not gonna knock on the door. We know that for sure.

Emma-Jean
Exactly. options. It’s perfect. Right?

John
Right.

Emma-Jean
It’s the perfect time to unplug from technology and have no one be able to reach you. Yeah,

Mickey
Exactly. Right.

John
So it’s a perfect time to explore in that but when we go back to the normal, I said you prior to the date, night date is extremely important because we went through a time when things kept getting pushed off. So something we’ll do Saturday, something we’ll do Monday, some people do too, and we just kept going. And after a while you realize you’ve gone a month or two or three, and you’re like, the woman I love is here and I know she’s not happy and I don’t know when we’re going to have time. So if it’s if it’s worth it, it’s really great to go ahead and set that in your calendar and make Sure it happens. And the other thing I’ll say is put some time into thinking about it because what happened a few nights. What do you want to do, hon? Oh, I don’t know. What do you want to do? Oh, yeah, the three hours Yeah. Where’s later we end up at a Christmas. So, in a bottle of wine, doughnuts and wine, nothing wrong. And I’m not saying it was. Well, they were first we have a similar

Mickey
similar, saying we have a similar conversation with dinner every day. What do you want for? Yeah, well, we should try the doughnuts and wine. That sounds pretty good. That’s a good dinner.

John
Okay. doughnuts and wine are great. But

Angelique
make sure you have food after the

John
experiment. We thought this was so awesome because it ended up in sex and sleep. So we had a doughnuts and wine party. And what we realized is there was like, no pizza or anything. So we had a lot of people high on sugar and Trump workout. It was horrible. No,

Emma-Jean
that’s that’s a sloppy night right there.

John
But as far as for a date night, this is a great time to go ahead and either read or Play the book if it comes in audio eventually, and, you know, explore those things that you can’t rush. Mm hmm. Cuz these conversations Yeah, but a, we got 30 minutes. Let’s talk about it it just let them go and see what we end up right?

Mickey
Yeah, we also thought that it was Oh, sorry, go ahead.

Angelique
You can Oh, that’s okay. We can edit it. I was able to commercial break now. Don’t worry, go for it.

Mickey
Okay, I was I was just saying that, um, in this time, we wanted to emphasize the fact that for date night It doesn’t need to be this extravagant event on a date, you know, sometimes just being thought, well, we’re not feeling it you know, it’s doing a couple of card games and watch a movie in the living room. You know, it’s not the super expensive extravagant event. It can just be about showing you the person that you are setting time aside for them. Yes, the intentionality aspect of that.

Emma-Jean
But being thoughtful and planning things that I know Mickey likes, so that he feels special loved Yeah.

John
Well, have you heard of the book talking about love languages? Yeah, I think everyone’s pretty much heard of it. But one of ours is definitely the gift of time to be there and having it’s not just time isn’t like she’s there, but she’s on her laptop work. And it says she’s focused on me. So I always think that’s a little bit more. It’s not just time it’s focused.

Angelique
Oh, see? I like Yeah. Yeah, bringing your Starbucks when I’m running around doing errands or, you know, getting you a little stuffy while I’m traveling,

John
which no one’s up means to going to the correct machine and coming back to the coffee, but it’s all

Emma-Jean
gestures. accounts.

John
It’s definitely the thought that Yeah, yeah. People think when it’s the amount it’s it’s $1 amount. And it isn’t not nearly

Emma-Jean
No, no. No, it’s the energy and emotion. Yeah.

Angelique
There we go. All right. With that said, we’re going to break to our commercial to to our beautiful sponsors who are still taking care of us during this session. quarantined time, and we’ll be right back.

Hey, john, I want to get new toy.

John
Okay, so let’s go to fair villa.

Angelique
But I want to waste time trying to find out what goes with what?

John
Well, there’s fair of the university and their staff is very well educated and helpful.

Angelique
Okay, but how about if I just wanted a job party instead?

John
Then go to their website because on their calendar, they list all their events,

Angelique
but I don’t want to spend a lot of money.

John
Have you heard of their loyalty program? Oh, yeah, that thing

Emma-Jean
on like a chain that makes everyone blush every time they see it?

John
That’s the one.

Angelique
Let’s go.

John
Well, they have over five locations in Central Florida. Which one do you want to go to?

Angelique
for pleasure,

fun and fantasy.

And we’re back I hope you enjoyed our wonderful sponsors commercial I don’t know which one it is we have. Yeah. And we’re back with Mickey and Emma Jean and regards to their make me come bug. Oh, I got a really good question. Please do describe this poor mind game.

Mickey
That is, um,

Emma-Jean
I’ll defer to Nikki here that

Angelique
just passing the buck here.

Mickey
I struggled with how exactly to refer to that, because it’s something that I don’t know if many other people think about in the same way that I do, just because I haven’t been fortunate enough to talk with very many people about these, these subjects. But in my, in my mind, the way that that what that term really describes is like your sexual ability in your brain. So the ability to let’s say, like a Rouse yourself or to stay focused in the zone in the moment, not be distracted. Those things I think people take for granted, but it’s like everything else. It’s a skill that takes practice. So learning how to explore those avenues of arousal in your brain of thinking about how you get yourself physically turned on, and things like that. It’s something that was should be given more attention because it’s a skill that requires just intentional thought and practice.

Emma-Jean
And then you talked about mantras, do you read about them?

Mickey
Yeah, the monitors is the other aspect of that.

It’s, I don’t know if I could explain all of the science behind how it works. But we’ve found at least that saying these things are just small, short statements that you repeat to yourself. Like, I’m like, this feels good, or I love this experience. They can really help ground you in that moment and enable you to achieve like a greater level of focus on the stimulation that you’re feeling, and your whole interpretation of the the mood and what’s going on in your environment. So they’re just little little things that have this power that we often neglect to utilize.

Emma-Jean
And saying these mantras to yourself, if you’re in the moment and maybe you’re struggling for performance anxiety, or you’re struggling to be focused just in on what’s happening, the sensation, the pleasures, and so you can’t concentrate you can’t really enjoy. So saying these mantras to yourself helps to eliminate cognitive dissonance as well. So if you’re telling yourself I love this experience, I love this experience, eventually, to decrease your energy output, you’re going to start to believe that you actually love this experience. Because evolutionary and makes sense that you’re going to want to expend as little energy as possible. So to adopt and believe this thought is to your benefit. So if you keep telling yourself and it applies to anything in life, but if you keep telling yourself in the moment, while I love when he kisses my ear, I love this, I love this, eventually, you’re gonna start to love it. So that’s why we suggested that you, you know, kind of have this inner dialogue with yourself. You know, have these conversations with yourself, Coach yourself through it, connect those pathways, those thoughts to that sensation, and it’ll begin to begin to come true.

Mickey
That’s exactly right. Well, said.

Angelique
Well, yeah, I think that’s the one thing people forget. I mean, the brain is the biggest erogenous zone.

John
Yeah the biggest sex organ.

Angelique
Biggest sex organ there. Yeah. I

Mickey
Just saw you guys had on one of your posts on Instagram I saw that quoted, we had a good laugh about that earlier today. It’s so true. It is. But people don’t think that way.

John
Well, sometimes it’s hard to prove the positive, but it’s easy to prove the negative part of it. So what I will tell people is that in the middle of having sex, if you’re thinking holy shit that I pay the mortgage that kills the experiment. If you go ahead and send that email to my boss, or Holy crap, I forgot to pick up my kid and he’s still at school, whatever it may be. Those random thoughts that come into your head, take you out of that, that mood. And really, when you’re having sex, it’s that it is a full body mind soul experience, or at least it should be Yeah, to enjoy it. So if those are easy to believe we’ll take you out of it, then how do we go ahead and get you more into it? And what can be done to prepare for it definitely clearing your mind of all those thoughts. If it’s, I have never tried the mantra thing. I have definitely tried the breathing and clearing my mind thing, which definitely does help. And that’s, I’ll say, that’s both for performance in the sense of wanting to become erect and wanting, wanting to give pleasure, but it’s also to receive pleasure as well. Because it’s very hard to go ahead and receive pleasure and enjoy the biting on the neck or the nibbling on the ears or whatever is being done to you even the back scratches. When you’re thinking oh my god, is this still still on?

Angelique
Well, I have to take it back. Yes,

Emma-Jean
Yeah. Now it’s true.

Angelique
We did our Tantra classes last year,

John
but never during sex.

Angelique
No, not during sex, but we learned so don’t say you never did don’t trust you just don’t during sex fine. You just didn’t practice, you know?

Emma-Jean
Well, and even as a couple of years You know, you can take it a step further. So, in our earlier encounters as we’re working through some of these things, I can recall times where Mickey would say to me you know, out loud one of these mantras like, you know, say this with me I love this experience. And in that moment, we would say it together as we were moving together and that not only did that reinforce the experience but that also Bond was a candlelight, yeah, unified us. So like, together as a couple, we’d be having sex and we’d be saying out loud these mantras like affirming for each other forming for ourselves and would bond us to it would help to center us. Yeah, it just had a lot of very profitable benefits. So that’s why I’m making this like, let’s put this in the book. And I was like, Yeah, I think you’re right. I think this is something that we can suggest.

Mickey
Especially in these these, you know, as you call them, time, yeah, the confinement time, with anxieties and stress about our state of the union. running rampant. These these little sayings to help keep you focused on what’s happening in that moment are more important than

Emma-Jean
yeah

John
cool.

Angelique
Yes and working on the anticipation.

John
Yea so you’re trying to say it like frankenfurter yeah a lot of it anticipation is just the working up to it. And it is in the flirting the everything gets into it but if if you can be a state of arousal at the beginning of the experience, the rest of the experience is likely to be a lot more fun.

Emma-Jean
Oh my goodness. Yeah. And speaking to floor foreplay, you know, and then we include it in the book to you know, you can kind of approach the day in and day out as a form of foreplay, you know, a way to tease and touch and play with each other throughout the day. that lends itself later to those experiences in the bedroom where you’re building that anticipation because you’ve been sending flirty texts or touching each other, being thoughtful and having date night or you know, the intentionality of the relationship goes into the bedroom.

Mickey
I think there’s this notion about that’s just kind of been our culture that sex is confined to the bedroom and you don’t talk about it, you don’t think about it, that has transcended like the the physical act now, but to include all acts preceding sex, which I think is the big problem here, where we tried to kind of counter that with our writing about how this like, like Emma was saying this foreplay really does begin long before you get in the bedroom. It’s, it’s the little things, you know, I’ll, I’ll get out of bed one day and I’ll see a hot cup of coffee on the counter. And that makes me feel loved and in turn, I, you know, my hearts aroused all around. You know, it’s the little things like that. So that’s for play. And I think it’s important for us to start viewing things like that these little acts of love. It doesn’t have to be sexual in nature inherently, for it to result in that.

John
And there’s a lot of touching you can do that is for play. And I say that because some of us do have kids thankful I was graduated. But

just intimate though. No, not dirty. It’s

Emma-Jean
right.

John
I’m scratching my head. It doesn’t have to be one again. I always say when people think of sex, they think of four things. boobs ass. What does it plus the deck they put into those but even walking by in the kitchen and just putting your hand over someone’s back to let it touch them to get that simple human connection is Lee is flirting is a form of intimacy which which, again is something that we need but we don’t think of it. We most people think of flirting is like okay, stage one of sex beginning now. And again, it goes like a portion like you said, confined to the bedroom. Yeah, it should never be that way.

Angelique
Or just watching any kind of porn and thinking that’s the way it’s supposed to be. And I’m like know that. It’s like watching an action movie in thinking you’re john Claude Van Damme able to jump through the building, expect to survive their actors and actresses. It’s all fake nonfiction fiction. Fiction I was thinking something else.

Emma-Jean
Right

Yes!

John
wanting to also say is, arousal is definitely not a medium. Sometimes it does take time when you get into the bedroom, which may be 510, sometimes 15 minutes to get into the booth to shed all that. Oh, yeah, mindfulness. And I’ve heard a lot from some partners that they’re like, you know, I tried and it didn’t, it didn’t work. So I just turned over went to bed. And that trying, I’m like, you had about 30 seconds. No, it’s not. It’s not good. All right.

Emma-Jean
Right. Remain you have to think about the stressors of the day, right?

John
It takes time to process

Emma-Jean
Yeah,

like if we have kids and jobs and debts and all this all you know, and then pandemic, you think you’re going to jump into bed and in a minute, be relaxed and ready to you know, be stimulated. It’s a lot harder than that. And I think we oversimplify things sometimes in the society, that women should just be on immediately and we should come quickly and it doesn’t take a lot of work. So then, yeah, it’s it’s a little bit more complicated than that.

John
And I think guys, there’s a few things. I was like guys no selves up to because Yeah, sometimes interaction takes time. It’s not like at the moment we’re ready to launch.

Mickey
Please go ahead.

Angelique
Yeah for those supplements that we tried that the the women was like 30 to 45 minutes early and the guy was like five to 10 that we had to take. Yeah, but that’s true because a woman will take longer than a guy a guy is like, boom,

John
where the drag racers you’re more than caravans.

Angelique
Exactly. Well, no not the caravans.

Mickey
I think to to comment on your comment about how porn is just this fake thing and it’s all acting. We totally agree and I think we covered that or we at least tried to highlight that in the book. In relation to the performance anxiety, I think the issue that our society really doesn’t focus on at all is the fact that the performance anxiety absolutely goes both ways. There’s women shown in porn that are just achieving orgasm so easily in all this different positions in different ways and loving every minute of it. And that’s not the reality, but as we know, but what’s also not reality is is just the male side of things, what men are shown to be, you know, the weapons they’re wielding by me or their their physical ability, things like that. It’s not always the case. So I think that that goes both ways. It’s important that it said,

John
Amen. It needs to be said.

Angelique
I mean, there’s so many things that so misinformed or false information like that women don’t want sex as much as men and that men are looking for the freak in the sheets and lady in the streets and I’m like, you guys are lying, Iying because that was me and no one wanted that. Except you. So 10 years later

John
a little tangent there.

Emma-Jean
But no, it’s it’s true that we don’t talk about these things. So then when you come across a woman that does have a high sex drive, well, she must be a whore. It’s not just a natural part of life that we all have different sex drives know something surely wrong with her because she has such a high sex drive, and something surely wrong with him because he has such a low sex drive? No, I mean, yes. If you have such a certain, you know, low sex rate, maybe go to your doctor to see your hormone levels, but no.

It varies. Yes, it does. Yeah.

John
Yeah, I mean, okay, sex drives are all over the place. There are couples that are happy together and have sex sponsor to point out once a month, once a quarter, and there are couples who are 10 years in and have sex every day. And you know, it’s the point is to find Someone who’s compatible with you.

Emma-Jean
Exactly.

Mickey
It’s not about the number. It’s about the conversations between you two, let’s say I’m happy and you’re happy. It’s the

Emma-Jean
similarities. You know. Research shows that successful long term relationships are between couples that are similar, similar and beliefs similar and values similar in their approaches and their desires. So yeah, so that’s why when we talked about date night, we left the language a little more ambiguous that not you should go on two dates a week or one day a week or one day a month because it looks different for every couple based on your schedule. It’s the you just need to schedule date night in need for

Mickey
a given date. We discussed the afternoon. Morning, depending on your bed is a wonderful gift that should not be overlooked.

Emma-Jean
Yeah, you know, I mean picnics

Mickey
we understand that the date nights that have

Emma-Jean
you know, we are fortunate at this point in our life where we don’t have children. So we’re able to accommodate flexible schedules and dates that this time in that time but you know, some couples have multiple children of parents. They’re taking Taking care of a very demanding jobs. Yeah. So we wanted to just it’s more about the intention and finding the compatibility with your partner. Right? The compromise than hitting an exact number. Yeah,

Angelique
yeah. And always remember not to talk about family business or anything else during that time. That is because that’s it. That’s the one thing it’s like, even if we do some, you know, suggest doing a date night or date time, They all they automatically start talking about the kids or work and I’m like, that’s not what that this time is for.

John
You know, it’s of the two of you together. What one of the rules we have that everyone says is we do a lot of road trips. And when we do road tripping, no chain restaurants that way, or other things, it’s

Angelique
a different one but in Florida.

John
Deal. Sure.

Date Night also has its rules. And again, a good, a good rule is talk about each other. Now. We, of course, have seen people have been together years and have kids and stuff and you ask them to talk about each other and they’re like, cricket. I don’t know

Mickey
What to say. Yeah.

John
Yeah, that’s the time to start cultivating that and relearning about each other.

Emma-Jean
Yeah, absolutely.

Angelique
Mr. negotiation checklist there. So we’re like, okay, here you go. If you don’t know what to talk about, here you go.

Figure out what you like and go and do it.

Mickey
Yeah, we have found one beneficial way. And I didn’t write about this because we can’t, can’t put all of our cards out there in one hand, but

John
Well, there needs to be a sequel book.

Mickey
But we, we did find one, one particular way in which you could talk about your day and things like that, and just the stress. And it was beneficial to this ultimate goal of this this wonderful emotional sex that we have. And that is preceding like this direct, intentional foreplay, even in the bedroom. There’s something that’s just magical about taking the time to say hey, this happened during my day and it sucked and then stressful and I hated it. And then once those words are out, you feel better. And then you have both now bonded over that experience of that stress relief. And then you know what follows hopefully what soon to come after that, you know, the wonderful loving sex. You’re not distracted by those things because you’ve already gotten them out. So that’s, you know, we do a lot of our venting that way. Yeah.

John
That’s great.

Angelique
Yeah, that’s what I always tell people set the intention. Yes, you set the intention. Like for your day, also set your intention for your sex life. What is it that you want to get accomplished? And now just Okay, let’s see who gets to an orgasm as fast as possible. This is not the Road Runner versus the wily coyote race. Come on.

John
Well, we’re always saying that sex isn’t a race. It is about the experience.

Emma-Jean
Yeah

Mickey
Yes.

John
It can be an absolutely wonderful thing. And if things but don’t stress out about it, if things don’t go well, it’s okay. We’ll say falling out of the bed is something that has happened to every one of us.

Angelique
There’s always some kind of sex injury.

John
So everyone has at least one stress injury or hasn’t eaten that banana in the morning and in the middle of sex that charley horse sets in.

Emma-Jean
Oh yeah, you’ve just switched positions cramping and things are always so you know, seamless and fluid like they seem in porn too. And that’s another thing that causes performance anxiety is, you know, you don’t see them being human and just giggling and having intimate moments where you laugh as you’re cramping and you have to switch positions to salvage the moment, you know, that’s your breath. Yeah, yeah,

Mickey
It’s it’s not a real experience until you’ve broken the kitchen appliance.

Emma-Jean
Yeah.

Yeah, yeah

John
Yeah, like that.

Angelique
I got a broken bed.

John
Yeah, you’re just an overachiever, though.

Angelique
Oh, yeah.

Emma-Jean
Hold up on that one. Oh, no, no,

Angelique
I got another level up. So yeah. Now this, I think

John
I will I will say just as the only warning. We’re in Florida, so everyone has ceiling fans. And occasionally I a bed that’s a little higher than you think. Always be standing up.

Emma-Jean
Oh, yeah. Yeah, that’s a good point. Think about that. Yeah. Okay. No ceiling fans here in ethica.

John
theaters though, I assume.

Emma-Jean
Yeah. Yeah, the winner. Absolutely. Yeah.

John
Cool. So where can people find the book?

Mickey
So the book right now, as we’ve just launched, we have a website, which has a bit of a landing page, but ultimately, it all just directs you back to our Amazon page. We’re not in the business of wasting your time with this in that we just want to get the content to the people who need it as soon as possible. So it’s, well, it’s make me cum the hard truth about mutual satisfaction. And if you search, just that, on Amazon, you will find it. Um, you can also visit our website which is bit.ly/makemecum.com no spaces, all lowercase.

Emma-Jean
And then we do have an Instagram account, if you’d like to share that handle,

Mickey
we do have our Instagram account is it’s making me come book with underscores in between. and we are slowly but surely posting more tidbits and tricks as well as little quotes from the book. So if you want to catch a glimpse of some of the content before you purchase it, you can find it there.

John
Fantastic. Well, it’s been an absolute pleasure chatting with you. And I know Angelica read the book. I caught it last minute so this will be my weekend thing.

Mickey
Wonderful

Angelique
Oh yeah, we’re gonna try that lotus position there. Ah ha. I wanted to talk about that. Now. We’re just gonna have to leave that for next time. Oh, look at the look of fear on John’s face.

What the heck did you do? It wasn’t about

Mickey
Sorry my friend

John
I’m willing to try anything twice.

Angelique
Yeah. See that’s where the diagram comes in. So yes and

you know a PDF that you could get with all the diagrams from the books. Yeah,

But yes, you could find us everywhere on all podcast channels please like subscribe write us a review good, bad or ugly because we need to get the word out especially about this book during this time period activities. Also, you could find us everywhere on social media sex positive me. You can find me at Miss Angelique Luna

Mickey
Yeah we like that.

John
and you can find me a Jhansi Luna on all social media channels.

Angelique
Yeah, you should follow him. He has some good brands going on better than me.

Emma-Jean
Which Trump shut up much material. Yeah, we don’t even want to go there.

Angelique
And yeah, he wants to buy a Lego destroyer for his stimulus check. I’m like

John
well, you gotta explain it. You know, the stimulus check came it was unexpected and I go to my next website and what’s sitting there was a an email from Lego saying you’re stuck indoors, you know, well, we can keep you occupied with free shipping. So I click on it. The first thing I see is an $800 LEGO Star Destroyer. I’m like, damn it. adulting I need strength.

Mickey
You that one?

Angelique
Yeah. Yeah, our friends and you know, our listeners always kept encouraged you to do it, do it. And I’m like,

John
Well, I posted that I’m like, I’d ask for support from my friends. But I know of all your people. And they’re like, yeah, you should buy it.

Angelique
Listeners you’re chipping in to they’re like, Yeah.

John
Is that the purpose of a GoFundMe? I’ve never done one of those before.

Emma-Jean
Now you can find out.

John
Johnny’s a star destroyer. Yes.

Mickey
Trying times.

Angelique
Yes. But thank you very much for joining us, and we’ll talk to you soon. Bye

Emma-Jean
Thanks for having us, bye.

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