The Tokyo Opening Ceremonies are tonight, and already the Olympians have been in the news for sexy things. Have you read about their cardboard beds? Sustainable, yes, but not so great for doin’ it (although this Irish gymnast may have proven this theory wrong, lol). All of these articles about sex and the Olympics put our imaginations into overdrive and, before we knew it, we had come up with a pretty hefty list of some events we’d like to participate in if there ever were a Sex Olympics.
We even thought up our own version of the torch and the rings, lololol.
The Torch
By the time we were done, we were crying with laughter, so we had to share it with you! So without further ado, here is Sex Positive Me’s List of the Top 5 Dream Sex Olympic Events:
- Modern Bialthalon: In this event, competitors are presented with two different partners. Whichever competitor can get the most orgasms out of both partners in 30 minutes is the winner!
- Skeet Shooting: Seems pretty straight forward and self-explanatory, doesn’t it? Whoever shoots their load the farthest scores the most points. And yes, erection pills count as “performance enhancing drugs” in this instance.
- Powerlifting: This one requires some equipment: Kegel exercisers! In this event, competitors place a specially-designed kegel exerciser in their vaginal canal and add increasingly heavy weights to it. Whoever can lift the most using only the power of their vaginal muscles, wins!
- Handball: Here’s another masturabation event for the fellas! Well, technically, it’s an edging event- two folks go head to head, roll two dice and get a number. That’s how many times each competitor must edge before trying to hold on… whoever can last the longest without cumming takes home the gold (and some very heavy balls, lol.)
- Rhythmic Gymnastics: Ok, this name is a stretch, but work with us here– this one’s our deep-throat challenge: open to any gender. Whoever can deep throat the deepest is the winner! As for the name? Well, sometimes you have to really bend yourself into a pretzel and get into rhythm to get that deepness you crave.
So those are the things we’d include in our version Sexlympics… what about you? We really can’t seem to stop coming up with ideas so we know your minds must be bursting with all kinds of naughty ideas.
I mean, Curling alone is just begging for a G-Spot orgasm competition, isn’t it?
The Rings
English