Did you know both John and I are part of a bisexual marriage? I’m pretty sure you did, because as I was telling a friend just the other day, “We are so out it’s not even funny.” And while being a part of a bisexual marriage isn’t funny, it sure is a whole lot of fun! However, if I’m being honest, it wasn’t always that way.
Just think about how challenging navigating a ‘normal’ marriage can be. Now imagine those challenges with the extra added layer of being attracted to those of the same sex! Granted our marriage was destined to NEVER be normal (and we’re okay with that!), but today, I wanted to talk to you about the three main things that make our open, bisexual marriage work for us!
And truly, you can use these tips for all relationships, not just ‘special’ ones like ours!
Tip #1: Communication!
This is the most important tip for literally ANY relationship, be it romantic, friendly or even work-related! Be open and honest with what you say to your partner.
If you feel the need to hide something from them, take some time to reflect on that. Why are you hiding it? Will it upset your partner? Is your answer to this question “Yes”? Then it might be time to take a step back and take stock of what you’re getting into.
Your primary relationship, in this case our marriage, should be first priority. If you find yourself diminishing it in pursuit of outside play, that’s a good time to sit down to touch base with your partner. Spend the time to keep the relationship you’re invested in healthy and the outside relationships fall into place a little bit easier!
An important thing to remember, however, is that listening is a very important part of communication. If your partner comes to you with an uncomfortable discussion, do your best to listen with an open heart and let them finishing talking before you start. Just remember that the conversation they’re coming to you with is probably difficult, so give them a little grace as they try to get through it, lol. Talkin’ isn’t always easy.
Tip #2: Trust
The scariest part of being in an open, bisexual marriage is not knowing what happens when you’re not there. Unsurprisingly, this makes trust super-important. Without established trust, you can worry yourself into an emotional mess, wondering what things (or people) your partner is getting into without you.
That’s not how it should be.
Yes, of course, sometimes there is jealousy. What really makes this bisexual marriage work for us is that I know that no matter how far apart we are I can trust John implicitly. Hell, it works both ways! No matter how far away from John I am, he feels secure in our relationship because of the strong foundation of trust that we’ve built.
You know what also helps? We go outside of our relationship to get things that we are unable to get from each other. Not without some level of discomfort at least! So, whenever John wants to explore his sounding or saline infusion kinks, I send him off to another one of his playthings.
Then I get to enjoy some “me” time, which is always a treat.
Tip #3 Humor
I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that humor can make anything easier, am I right? It also can bring couples closer together. While it seems simple, it may not always be easy. However it is important to keep a sense of humor about things. A little laughter goes a long way in awkward, trying and stressful situations
Start with the simple things. If a glass of soda get spilled, or dinner is burned, or your partner “accidentally” rolled over in bed and took the blanket, don’t let these things get you worked up. Trust that your partner will never intensionally hurt you and always has your best intensions in mind. Laughter will relieve stress and remove shame.
Here’s one of my recent ‘mishaps’ from John’s perspective:
“One time Angelique bought concert tickets for a performer we both liked. We were both really excited until the morning of the show. We printed the tickets and realized the performance was actually for the same date, next year. She apologized but didn’t need to. I knew her intensions were good so we laughed about it. We still had a great evening of Netflix and some intimate time.” 😉
There’s so much more that goes into making our open bisexual marriage a successful one! Want to put some of our magic to work for you? Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org to see how we can help your relationship, too!